Shadow called Pheobe. “Hello, Phoebe. I need someone to talk to you. I had a very bad dream last night. I dreamt my mother squirted me with water every time I tried to get milk from her. The dream was so scary and frightening. I don’t understand why she did that. Did she not love me,” said Shadow her voice cracking as she began to cry. “I don’t know why she did that. You know I love you and Thom loves you, You are loved now. Your mother was cruel,” said Pheobe. “Luckily, I have therapy today,” said Shadow. “Did you call your sponsor about this?” said Phoebe. “Yes, I did. She gave me a prayer to say at night: ‘Higher power I’m handing this fear and terror over to you that I might have a peaceful night’s rest in your loving grace, thank you, Amen’,” recited Shadow. “That’s a beautiful prayer. Let’s pray to shake that it works,” said Phoebe. “I will. I have to get going I have to get myself and Rocky ready. We have to be there at 10 AM.” Said Shadow. “Goodbye, good luck,” said Phoebe. “Bye, I’ll call you later, love ya,” said Shadow as she hung up the phone call.

Shadow was feeling hungry. Her mother lay in a supine position. Her brother and sister were getting milk from their mother. Shadow cautiously approached her mom. She was so hungry. She tentatively starting sucking on her mother’s nipple. Suddenly, a cold splash of water hit her not once but twice. She immediately unlatched from her mother’s nipple, and she scattered away to a corner. She was afraid and frightened. She didn’t understand why her mother let her brother and sister feed without the squirt of the water bottle. “Meooooooooooow, Meooooooow,”cried Shadow in her sleep. “Meoooooooooow,” screamed Shadow. She awoke from the dream. She was scared and frightened. She began to sob. Rocky came into the room, “Are you alright,” said Rocky. The last person she wanted to see was Rocky. He was never squirted with the water bottle. He got to feed as much as he wanted, Not Shadow, she was denied feeding. She became so angry at Rocky, but quickly realized it wasn’t his FAULT it was her mother’s….

Shadow, Rocky and Phoebe were turned away from the Over eaters Anonymous as the room was full by the time they arrived at the meeting. “Thank Meow,” said Rocky under his breath, but Shadow heard him. “You got off this time, but next time you won’t. You need to go to these meetings. You gained five pounds since last week,” said Shadow. “OMG, you gained five pounds in one week, that’s bad,” said Phoebe.

Shadow drove Phoebe home, and her and Rocky went home also. As soon as they got in the door, bowling ball, I mean Rocky complained he was hungry. “No, you ate most of the finger sandwiches at the tea party. You have had enough to eat,” said Shadow. “Try to behave, I’m going to lay down for a nap,” said shadow. As soon as Shadow lay down in her bed, she was sound asleep…

After Shadow fed rocky, a portioned controlled breakfast, mixed carrots into his kitten food, she called Phoebe, “Hi Phoebe, I had a bad dream last night, I dreamt about finding a large purrsian iced tea. It scared me.  I texted my sponsor, and she simply texted back to stay safe and pray. WTH..” said Shadow.  “Did you pray?” asked Pheobe,  Yes, I dropped to the floor and prayed immediately. I still feel triggered.  It was a very large purrsian iced tea. It was glistening with sweat all over the glass.  It looked very tempting. I got up and made Rocky breakfast and now I’m calling you,” said Shadow. “Would you like to do something or come over for lunch?” said Phoebe. “Lunch sounds nice.  What time?” said Shadow.  “Let’s say 11,” said Phoebe.  “Sounds like a date,” said Shadow  “Bye,” said Phoebe.  “Bye,” said Shadow,

Shadow went to the kitchen where Rocky was feverishly licking his bowl clean.  “Rocky, I’m going to Phoebe’s. Behave while i am gone.  Stay out of the garbage looking for food.  “On second hand, you are coming with me,” Please go upstairs and get dressed.  We leave at 10:30,” said shadow…

Shadow searched frantically for her clothes. She woke up in a strange place, but sensed her clothes were here, all around her was cupboards made of mahogany. She opened and closed each one, searching for her clothes. Finally, in the next to last one, she finds some clothes. The top shelf had clothes. She started to look through them and quickly realized they weren’t her clothes. She opened the third cabinet and found her clothes along with a tall glass of purrsian iced tea. She quickly grabbed her clothes and then closed the cupboard drawer. She kept thinking of the iced tea. It was glistening with water droplets. She wanted it bad. No one was around, no one would know she thought. And then she woke up. She has 60 days clean from drinking iced tea. She thought what the heck. She could smell and taste the purrsian iced tea in her mouth. Shadow texted her sponsor, Kitty Litter, and told her about the dream. Purrsian iced tea gets Shadow high. Kitty Litter simply texted her this: “Do what you can to be safe and turn it over to your spirit animal.” Shadow dropped to her hind legs and prayed to her spirit animal to tell him she was a purrsian iced tea-aholic, and she needed his help. And then she heard Rocky meow “I’m hungry, I’m hungry. “Shark help me,” she said as she made her way to the kitchen to prepare Rocky’s food…

Shadow woke up refreshed. Dancing last night was just what this kitty needed.  It allowed her to forgot about her cares and just have fun. This morning she is going to make a Sunday breakfast fit for a king.  She planned on making omelets, tater tots, and make fresh-squeezed orange juice for her family, Thom and Rocky.

As Shadow was making breakfast for both Thom and Rocky, they came into the kitchen.  “Good morning boys,” “I have breakfast made already. Take a seat.  Rocky, yours is portion-controlled, sorry,’ said Shadow. “Thank you, Shadow.  How sweet of you.  What do you want, “said Thom in a joking manner. “Very funny,” said Shadow laughing. 

The three of them sat at the dining room table. Occasionally, you could hear Rocky grumbling, that he was hungry. Thom, I think we need to send Rocky to Over-Eaters anonymous. He is out of control. Look how big he is,” said Shadow pointing at Rocky whose plate was empty a long time ago. “That’s a good idea.  Why don’t you look into it and get information about the program, so we can send him to a meeting?  I’m worried about the kitty myself.  He looks like a bowling ball…”

“Good afternoon, Shadow.  It’s Phoebe. I’m calling to remind you we had planned to attend the virtual rave via Zoom tonight. Gorgon City is spinning tonight,” said an excited Phoebe to Shadow’s voice mail.  

Shadow and Rocky got home and each went their separate way.  Shadow to her bedroom and Rocky to the kitchen.  He started meowing again for food. Shadow ignored him and shut her bedroom door to shut out his meowing. 

Shadow noticed she missed a call from Pheobe.  She called her back after listening to her message on her iPhone. Hi Phoebe, it’s Shadow.  I got your message.  Good thing you reminded me I forgot. I’ve been dealing with my issues as well as Rocky’s  I’ve been too busy trying to control Rocky’s food addiction. Could you send me the link?” said Shadow. 

“Of course, I can. How is Rocky and more importantly, how are you?” said Phoebe. 

“I’m doing okay. Rocky is in denial. There is nothing I can do about that.  I squirted him with a water bottle yesterday. It made me realize I am acting like my mother.  I didn’t like that so I made amends to him and told him I would never do that again,” said Shadow.  “I need to concentrate on my issues. I am just as messed up as he is. MIne will kill me if I turn to iced tea to cope and him from eating too much,” said Shadow. “It sounds like you need a break from this.  The virtual rave hopefully will provide that.  I can’t wait for it,” said Phoebe. “Enough of me, how are you?” said Shadow. 

” I went to my ballet class the other day. It was fun but Marcie was being a bitch again.  I strongly dislike her.  She’s always trying to prove she is better than anyone else.  She told me my ballet shoes were cheap and dirty.  I told her at least I’m not a bitch. The instructor heard me and called me out.  I ended up getting in trouble and she got off scot-free,” said Phoebe.  “I’m sorry, Phoebe.  You didn’t deserve that.  Have you prayed on it?’ said Shadow. “Yes, I prayed for the bitch,” said Pheobe.  Shadow started laughing hysterically.  Oh, Phoebe, you are too much!” said Shadow in between her laughter. “Well, listen I am tired.  I need to lie down,” said Shadow.  “Ok, have a good sleep. I’ll se you tonight,” said Pheobe…

Shadow and Rocky got to their therapists’ appointment ten minutes late.  Shadow was upset at Rocky as he was the reason.  He fought with her about going to the therapist’s appointment.  He kept saying he didn’t need to go and made excuses why he couldn’t go. “Come on Rocky, we are here.  I need you to not fight me on this. You’re eating is out of control. It’s going to kill you if you don’t watch out,” said Shadow as she opened the passenger car door to get Rocky out,

They walked up the driveway to the therapist’s office.  Rocky dragging his paws the whole way.  Shadow had to pull him along.  When they got inside, the room was empty.  Rocky sat away from Shadow in defiance. 

Shadow’s therapist came out first.  “Good morning, Shadow. Please follow me,” said Mr. Ruthless, Shadow’s therapist. .  Shadow got up from her seat and followed Mr. Ruthless to his office.  Shadow nervously took a seat inside Mr. Ruthless’s office. She was scared to talk about her mother. But, she knew she had to eventually. “How are you today?” asked Mr. Ruthless.  “I’m ok,” said Shadow, not wanting to talk any further. “What’s wrong with you today?” said Mr. Ruthless.  Shadow sat in silence fighting her desire to want to speak but afraid to do so. Sadow just stared at the wall. Fifteen minutes went by and still, Shadow could not speak. Finally, after twenty minutes went by, Shadow spoke. “My mother used to squirt me with the water bottle when she didn’t like what I was doing. She even squirted me when I wanted milk from her. I was afraid to eat and afraid to do anything without being squirted with water.  I was scared all the time. I was glad when Thom, my new owner, took me home and showed me love that I did not get from my mother. I squirted Rocky the other day.  I feel bad I did that.  I acted like my mother,” said shadow in disgust. “Sometimes we hurt the one we love the most,” said the therapist.  “Why do you think your mother squirted you with water?” said Mr. Ruthless.  “I don’t think she loved me. I think she felt I was a nuisance,” said Shadow as tears fell down her furry face. “That’s a hard reality to deal with as a kitten,” said Mr. Ruthless. “How are you feeling right now.  Our session is nearing the end. I don’t want you leaving here upset,” continued Mr. Ruthless.  Shadow lied. “I’m fine,” she said. Shadow got up from her seat and made her way back to the waiting room.  Rocky was not there.  

Rocky just sat in his chair not saying a word to his therapist, Mr. Hardnose. “We can sit here all day.  It’s your money and time that you are wasting. Rocky shot Mr. Hardnose a dirty look.  “Finally, I get a reaction out of you,” said Mr. Hardnose.  “Why are you so angry this morning?” said Mr. Hardnose. “I’m not angry. I just don’t feel I need therapy. So, I eat more than others.  Big Deal!” said Rocky. “It is a big deal. You are grossly overweight, and you are bigger than you were the first time we met. You’re starting to look like a bowling ball.

Why do you think you eat so much?” said Mr. Hardnose. “I told you, I don’t. I’m only eating when I am hungry,” said Rocky highly annoyed. “How often do you eat, Rocky?” said Mr. Hardnose. “I only eat when I am hungry,” said Rocky. “Which is all the time judging by the way you look,” said Mr. Hardnose in a matter-of-fact tone. Rocky got up and stormed out of the room. He had had enough. 

Shadow was in the waiting room when Rocky said, “Come on. Let’s blow this popsicle stand,” in a rather demanding voice. Shadow said, “What’s wrong. How did your session go?” “I don’t want to talk about it.  Can we just go?” said Rocky.  “Okay,” said Shadow as she stood up and headed for the door to leave the office, Rocky quickly followed after her.  In the car, they didn’t say a word to each other as they were caught up in their own worlds and what had just transpired…

Rocky woke up an hour later after crashing from his feeding frenzy. He woke up hungry, as usual. He looked down at his body and saw his furry belly was touching the floor, not exactly cute, he thought. “I know I need to slow down my eating and eat less, but I can’t stop once I start. I don’t understand why,” said Rocky to himself.

Just then Shadow entered the kitchen where Rocky had fallen asleep after gorging himself with his food. “Rocky, I need to talk to you. Are you mentally available now? ” said Shadow to Rocky. “What does that mean?” said Rocky. “I just want to make sure you are present when I talk to you. You’re always thinking about food, the getting and eating it constantly. When you do that, you are not present in the moment, I need you to be present,” said Shadow. “I’m present, ” said Rocky. “Good, I want to make amends to you for me squirting water at you to control you. It was wrong, and I won’t do it again. I know you already feel bad about your food addiction. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” said Shadow getting misty-eyed. “You can stop pressuring me to go to a therapist. I don’t need it,” said Rocky. “That is not going to happen. You need the therapy, sorry,’ said Shadow. “Don’t spray me with water anymore,” said Rocky. “Done,” said Shadow. Now, let’s get ready for therapy. We have an appointment at 10:00 this morning…

After getting off the phone with Phoebe, Shadow dropped her body to the ground and began to pray to her spirit animal, the shark because she was born in July. Her spirit animal helps her reign in her fears and face them head-on. She also prays to her spirit animal to overcome any obstacles in her way and to be brave when she does have to make amends even though she doesn’t want to.

“Shark, please help me to be strong and brave to make my amend to Rocky for squirting water at him when he was in his food addiction, I need the strength to do this, Amen,” said Shadow while she lay on the faded oriental rug in her bedroom. Tears began to fall down her furry face. She didn’t like it when she acted like her mother.

Shadow got up off the floor and went in search for Rocky. She knew she had to make this amends now rather than later. She did not want to relapse by drinking iced tea to turn off her emotions.

She found rocky in the kitchen as she expected him to be. He was eating food without chewing it and swallowing it down like there was no tomorrow. At first, she became irritated and angry. She screamed,”Rocky, slow down. You are going to choke yourself. ” Rocky looked up at her briefly with shock and then went back to his eating frenzy. Shadow was so angry she stormed out of the kitchen.

Today, would not be the day she made the amend. She was too angry.

“Shark, help me to change the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can, and the knowledge to know the difference,” she mumbled under her breath as she made her way back to her bedroom…